Mon coeur, Ma vie

Whoever thought love didn't hurt must be in outer space or actually no am sure even in space love hurts. The saying that its better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all i think should be the reverse, because the pains that come with love, maybe i will compare to labor pains one day when i have my twins and then i will know which hurts the most. I think love does anyways because its more of an emotional thing and if emotions can cause people to kill then you can just imagine. The pains of love are inexplicable.

when there's so much anguish you cannot even think straight, when your nights are spent soaking pillows in your tears, when your days just race by like speeding cars, when your thoughts are a jumble of unrecognizable words. When you wake up and the first thing you feel are pangs of pain. When you build a life with someone and one day you awaken and they are no where to be found, when you wake up and the one you love is just a shadow in your past and you cannot do anything about it. When all the memories you have are of you and him walking together and sharing your every breath, when his touch is no more and you are left in the cold. 

When you wake up in the morning and there's no greeting of love, when you go to sleep and there's no  voice to listen to. When you're sick and there's no one soaking your sickness up with you, when you are in distress and no one has your back, when everyone is against you and there's that one man who is there for you no matter what. When you taste food and its like seasoned bile,When you feel all this then you'd understand how painful love is, the kind of pain that stifles you, that makes you feel like you drowning, that just saps your every breath. Love hurts soo bad. I don't know if i am at that point where i will just say no one should love again, but that is beyond me because people will still love anyway. 

Love is beautiful whilst it lasts, but when its forced to an abrupt halt, when is seems the universe is conspiring against you to bring pain then love hurts. Love, love really hurts. It just reminds me of part of a song i sung in primary  school 
                                         "My God loves me

                                          His love will never end

                                          The pains of love will be                                           lost in the praise we sing'

Even this song explains it all. Thank God for Christ and the fact that the pains of love can be lost..dont know about mine though.......

                                                

For my Asu

Whilst listening to one Nigerian song “OLEKU” which I cannot stop playing, I just can’t cease thinking about the man who shares my life. That one man who just made everything complete. I never thought I could actually be stuck, perhaps “like glue” if Sean Paul is anyone to pay attention to. Having met so many guys who have always never been the deal, who had always missed the point it was warmly refreshing to meet the one man who could make my world spin. He entered my world a stranger but remained a part of me that would always echo. I curtsy for the one who managed to sweep me off my feet.

                                                                             

 He didn’t have to drive a range rover, much as I like it, he didn’t have to tell wondrous tales, I wouldn’t have believed them anyway. He didn’t have to exaggerate the truth because it was plain to the naked eye. He didn’t have to promise me a wedding ring, the Lord decides but just by being what he was made to be he accomplished so much more. The loving words in times of distress, the broad shoulders to bear my every anguish, the chastising tone of disapproval when needed and the warm embrace to recapture moments spent away. The reflex response to someone trying to disrespect me, the glowing admiration for who I am, the warm acceptance of my many flaws and the desire to mould me into a better person.

                                                                                                 

 I sing a little song of love for the one person whose faults diminish in my eyes and whose love knows no bounds. I thank God each day for his amazing creation and for leading his son to me. The man who shares my life is this one man who can make me laugh and cry, who stirs the most intense emotions inside me and who makes other men seem so much smaller. From his brows which remain a perfect work of art, to his lashes which are so long and straight that I go green with envy.  Methinks he is indeed a fine gentleman. What more can a woman ask for? Than a man who makes plans with her in mind, who looks beyond the present and thinks of a future to share with his woman. A man who recognizes that God comes first.

 To this man I wish the best of luck in this life and beyond, I pray him the brightest of all lights, the prettiest of all roses, the purest of all springs, the highest of all heights and the lightest of all loads. His happiness remains my happiness and his joy my joy. For all that he prays to God for shall it be granted unto him and above all grace without measure.

A lesson

So today started off as one of those days when the world just totally sucks and everything around you seems irritating. Thinking of the issues of life usually leaves you with an aftertaste which isn't exactly sweet especially when the main course isn't a pleasant meal. Thinking through the night before of where I want to be and where I am now and just taking critical life decisions seems quite an arduous task. The part of life where I think can best be described as midlife crises. 

  If you are in anyway like me and you have dreams that just loom largely in your brain then you begin to wonder if really you on the pathway to those dreams. At the same time I know my life is just going to get better and better each day. Why am I so convinced of this? Well it’s simply because of God and life. I cannot complain because everything that happens is all part of a divine plan. I may probably be sounding like the author of the "alchemist" with that line but seriously I believe it.

 Last Friday I found out that a friend of mine had suddenly gone completely blind in both eyes. I was shocked to tears; I couldn't believe how someone I knew who was seeing how beautiful the world was with both eyes had suddenly no chance of seeing this world again. A girl who drove her own car and just completed her master’s degree.  At that point I just realized how really cruel the world could be and how very lucky we all were. By us all I mean all those of us who have our faculties working correctly, who don't have to walk naked on the streets due to either no fault of ours or because of psycho active drugs or something else I cannot fathom. Who didn't have to live on the coins people threw at us through their windows. 

 My day indeed wasn't a good one by any standard. On my way back from work I got stuck in traffic for an insane period and at the point when I decided to buy chocolate from a street vendor, the cars started moving and this vendor had to run madly after the car. The most painful part was that the car in front of ours was also silver in color so the vendor ended up going to the wrong car and he was sent away. We eventually called him back and he didn't have any change. I felt horrible because I couldn't believe he had run all that way for nothing. Eventually my colleague found some change and I bought the chocolate.

 I spent the rest of my journey thinking about the struggle people went through daily to make ends meet and the praises I should be singing for all the undeserved mercies bestowed on me. My friend just landed a very good job today and I was ecstatic. I was so happy that at long last something great was happening to someone I knew; it further stressed my lesson for the day which was that in all things we should be thankful because we could be in worse situations. Celebrate with those who are happy and mourn with those who are grieving. We do not have to be happy only when we are the ones with good fortunes, we have to be able to share in the joy of others so that in turn good things happen to us.........Am done.

A peek into the future

My vision of the future is illustrated by a white building which is so pure and crystal that the color white pales beside it, with endless sunshine pouring through its glass windows, the whisper of few clouds and nonexistent storms. Selective showers for a renaissance and the signature of luminous growth.

When I think of the future I see a beautiful third generation of children filling the chasms in my life and my existence with melodious laughter and heart wrenching tears of childhood. When I think of the future I see the bedrock of love all around me and within this I see the love of a male, handpicked for me by an eternal being and sharing every pain and anguish which would at some point realistically besiege me.

When I think of the future I smile to myself because I see the homeless finding homes and the hungry getting bread. I see the blind seeing bright colors and the lame limping and then finally walking. I see a life dedicated to the maker, where my steps are directed and my life ordered by divine instruction. I see no room for talebearers, I see no room for back biters, I see no room for haters, I only see the love of the maker all around me and I see a life of peace and a life well lived. I can taste the sorrow the world will feel at my loss, because I will be great in every way imaginable.

When I think of the future, I see prosperity in ten folds; I see happiness as never before being my street. I see joy being my smile and I see peace being my gait.  When I think of the future, I see greatness shivering beside what I have become, because I will be many words above him and I bask in the contentment of my invention.

When I think of the future I get disillusioned about its fulfillment, but then what is written is written, and what is written is everything I envision. It’s carved in the hardest granite and the lamb above reproach carved it. When I think of the future, nothing happening presently matters to me because the future will take care of itself. When I think of the future, I think of now and my sub consciousness has a mansion right there in the future.

 When I think of the future, I feel success and I know am blessed beyond measure. When I think of the future I think of you and your endless echoes in my life.

A renaissance

The uncertainty of a new beginning

The smell of a fresh start

The fluttering lids of an awakening

The cry of a new birth

A renaissance

The sprouting of young herbs

The intoxicating perfume of flowers

The rains of restoration

The rite of transition

A rebirth                

The will to bid farewell to wrong

The exit of pain and anguish

The drive to rekindle your senses

The breakthrough of sunny days

A new life  

The feel of the fabric of change

The intricate patterns of renewal

The electrical surges of revival

The hum of a delightful tune

The dawn of a new day

                                     

Victor's song

I find myself in an empty place,

Where birds dont chirp and frogs refuse to croak,

Where sunlight is luxurious and break of dawn anxiety anew.

I find myself in a void place,

Where lines do not end and circles meet not,

Where a smile is painful and laughter is but a foreign tune.

I find myself in a dark place,

Where mystery shrouds me in crimson clothes and sorrow is evident in each breath,

Where sugar is suggestive of bile and honey like bitter herbs.

I find myself in an unworthy place,

Where pain is aromatic and tears are healing,

I find myself in a shallow place,

Where the moon outshines the stars and the sun is a shadow of itself.

I find myself in a claustrophobic place,

Where i wouldn't want anyone to ever be, 

Because I cannot say if you will find your bearings,

But believe you me like the sun whenever i set i rise again,

And each time i rise my rays are increasingly blinding.

I find myself in a crystal place,

Where among the thorns I am the rose select,

 Because I fly on the wings of the eagle and my song is a symphony of peace

I find myself in a terrestrial place

where i bathe in love and repose in scented lilies

I find myself  a victor

A reflection from the streets of Makola

I went to Accra Central yesterday precisely Makola market to make a few purchases and my first lesson for that day was realized when I was buying fabric.  The vendor was doing a good job of showing me the varieties in stock but at one point he showed me some fabric he thought I should get and I was immediately upset. I couldn't believe he had actually shown me such ugly fabric and I couldn't hide my displeasure at his suggestion.  He put that one aside consequently and showed me different ones till a little later another lady came in to buy. She went on a wild goose hunt as she couldn't find anything she fancied till she came upon one particular fabric and got very excited and wanted to make payment immediately. Curious to see what had soo tickled her fancy and perhaps to purchase some of that I looked her way and I was stunned. It was the same fabric I had passed off as too ugly for the human eye.

This Lady had found it extremely nice and was ecstatic. To me I couldn't ever be caught in such a horrid print but to her she had found a diamond among faux stones. The saying though weary with over use in Ghana that "one man's meat is another man's poison" fully came to bear in that instant".  We cannot expect everyone to like what we adore and others cannot expect all and sundry to agree with them all the time. Just like I would choose beef any day over chicken, others will eat chicken and cannot stand beef. Life is all about tolerance, understanding  dissenting views and opinions of others and not considering people adversaries because they don't share our sentiments. The lady really liked the fabric but I couldn't be furious about it because it was her choice. If we all paid more attention to tolerance and not playing God over peoples decisions, the world will be  a better dwelling place and am almost certain most of the civil wars and useless wars that have occurred will never have had a chance then and never will in the future.

After leaving that shop I went ahead to buy bobby pins. As usual i was heckled by a thousand shoppers trying to pass in a very tiny walkway and a thousand more vendors trying to sell their wares. I don't know if you've been to the Makola market on a market day before, but the street vendors are impossibly aggressive and instead of allowing you decide what you want to buy they thrust the items in your face and  grab you from all corners and angles. They again call you by numerous names to see which you'd respond to. On the whole they are very irritating and can propel you to do many things.  I mean someone grabs your arm with a dirty, sweaty, beefy hand, and you don't even know where the hand has been that day or what kind of work it has been engaged in but yet still the hand is touching you. Are you supposed to smile? Its not because they are street vendors that I say this, but i don't know why people you have no knowledge of should be touching you, regarldess of which divide they are on, whether they donning  Armani suits and crusing in Ferrari's or selling iced water in "charley wotes's" there's no excuse. 

There are so many contagious diseases now and care must be taken so as not to contract any of them, so indiscriminate touching is really a no no. Well one of these vendors grabbed a girl by the arm with a grip of steel because as much as the girl tried to break away she couldn't. Eventually something gave and she broke away and left in a huff. The vendor took offense and don't ask me why he did because  I was as astonished as you  probably are now. If there should have been an angry party it should have been the girl and not the vendor. The vendor rained so many insults on the girl that most people watching were amazed at his erratic behavior. Honestly this was just a case of "sour grapes". If the girl had stopped to examine his item or possibly had even purchased it he would have been full of praises for her, but because she went contrary to his expectation, in his minds eye she deserved verbal abuse. 

You know the sugar eating tongue is the same as the salt eating tongue right? oh and even same as the pepper eating one. As human beings we contradict ourselves daily, lets take a few scenarios . We all are disgusted by the filth we see in Accra but daily we litter our environs. Sometimes i see people drop pieces of trash through their car windows when they could have as easily found a trash can but yet when people complain about the filth in Accra they sit in their air conditioned cars with their noses in the air and act all self righteous. What about the stench that engulfs some parts of the city? we almost have to wear oxygen masks to pass through certain areas.  The inhabitants complain tirelessly about the stench but yet in the dead of the night they throw out liquid waste in the gutters and open drains, how then do they expect  to breathe in fresh air?

During elections there is always a lot of discord between members of opposing political parties and at the end of the day one party wins, unless of course there's some unrest as is happening in Cote D'ivoire presently with two sworn in presidents. Now that's a joke but do you realize that the same people who voted for a particular party to win an election, may suddenly deny casting their votes in its favor when the government of that party fails to perform? i mean there are many die hard party members but there are also the ones who change their views when it suits their interests. So when the government of that party is chalking milestones they belong, but when they are failing the people miserably then they switch to a position of neutrality which at the point suits their purpose. Contradiction is synonymous with humanity.

I remember when i was in the premier university and at certain times we heard of people who had been caught on camera in sex videos and other kinky acts. students were quick to condemn and my goodness, self righteousness was at its utmost peak. Those who hadn't even seen the video were giving details about its incredulity. I also did get caught up in some of those discussions, but I just believe that hypocrisy thrives in the human spirit. Students have sex daily in all the different halls and hostels, the only difference between the students and those in the sex tape is that they weren't caught. Just because the videos weren't of them, big mouths and small mouths alike were chastising. we  have to bear in mind that whenever people get into mishaps and we point our long fingers at them, we fail to realize that tomorrow we could be the ones in trouble and the people we are busily tale-bearing  about others with us will in reverse laugh at us sardonically. That isn't to say those in the video were without blemish but just implying like my boyfriend says, "don't leave a fallen man behind" or like Jesus said "he who is without sin, cast the first stone".

Mistakes are bound to happen otherwise we wouldn't be living at all, but then progress lies in moving forward and not looking back. If Lot's wife in the holy book, had looked ahead as she was instructed to by the angel she would have reached the mountain with Lot but she looked back and turned into a pillar of salt. That's just one example of how much we can make of the future by looking ahead. Hypocrisy, self righteousness and self rightness are inherent traits of our mortal bodies whichever way we look at it. lets strive to attain perfection and go easy on contradictions because our lives are like windows. People look through them and wouldn't it be amazing if instead of unsightly yellowing leaves they see green pastures? 

Food for the contradicted spirit.

The socially "unsmart" (socially incompetent)

So being smart is not all about being academically inclined, instead it  has diverse meanings. You may make an excellent student but your seeming brilliance ends in the classroom. I may be opinionated on this but i think most people we meet on a daily basis are not smart and are lacking in manners. Not just the people we meet but even some of our friends are socially incompetent. You may not agree with me but wait up and let me just give u a few of my reasons and lets see what your view is.

Why would you visit a friend perhaps and then notice that the friend in question is with her boyfriend, bearing in mind that you made a call before you went visiting and you were told that there was already a guest. I mean its ok if you guys are all friends, but point is if they wanted a party they would have invited you. You get there and no one is glad to see you and instead of taking the cue and vamoosing to appear at a latter date noooo, you'd rather stay and be a third wheel, engage in idle chat and fail to see that you are not wanted. Behind all the fake smiles you're seeing are two very dissatisfied people. Its a different scenario if you share that room but if you don't share it whats your business there at that particular time? beats my very active imagination.
And what of the friend who invites himself or herself on a lovers date? even though the lovers aren't complaining and are cheesing really hard, come on they don't mean it. They just don't know how to tell you not to tag along like a lost lamb so instead they allow you to come with, all along expecting you to read the writing on the wall and excuse yourself.
Now i don't know about what guys go through because I am a girl, but I cant fathom why a guy will meet a girl and ask for her name, the girl may not want to oblige but at the risk of seeming rude may comply or if she's in anyway like me would pay you no mind. You proceed to have an aimless conversation with her, a chat to which shes making no contribution and you seem to be the only active participant, and at the end of the dreary chat you ask for her cell number.

Have you totally lost it or are you just not insightful? If the girl doesn't even want to tell you her name why for goodness sake do you think she will give you her number? I mean before you approach a girl why don't you arrest the situation? Make sure that the girl is at least a little interested, have silent rapport, weigh your stakes and if its in your favor plunge ahead, if its not then just rest. Its not a matter of life and death and shes not the only girl left in the world but nooo, you'd rather go ahead and embarrass yourself. If you strike a conversation and it ends up badly just go home and lick your wounds, try someone else another time or better still don't try at all. I cannot speak for other girls but for me such baseless persistence is incredibly annoying.
That further brings me to the guys who never know what to say at the right time. You meet someone new, you're having a conversation and instead of getting to know the person first, you don't but in your own wisdom decide to make suggestions to what the person should and shouldn't do in their lives. Someone you haven't been acquainted with for more than a week and yet you start giving directions on the rites of passage the person should be going through, like are you for real?That's preposterous and these same people are the ones who feel a high sense of entitlement. You meet them casually, second time you meet they think they deserve a hug and am even sure in their twisted minds a kiss kraa wouldn't be far fetched. Get to know people before you start misbehaving and showing your excesses.
I again recall all the people who basically lack social cues, they leave a really sour taste in my mouth. You meet someone having a really bad day, its okay if you don't know the person is having a bad day, but at least when you interact with someone and its going downhill it doesn't take a genius to figure it out. The best you can do is propose to call the person later or perhaps try to make the person feel better. The people i call " unsmart " or (socially incompetent) are the ones who will rather aggravate the situation by making snide and irrelevant comments and trying to engage an already annoyed person in endless chatter which just draws smoke out of the persons ears. In this same category are the people who at a time when milk has already been spilt are castigating instead of helping find reasonable solutions to the issue at hand. They make me ill.

Ever heard of "love at first sight"? well maybe it exists, i cant say for now because i haven't experienced that, but there's nothing more irritating than meeting someone for the first time or maybe for a week and he or she saying "I love you". Especially when you know that "I love you" is simply unwarranted. You couldn't possibly love anyone within those micro seconds unless of course in your world love is trite.
How can you love somebody you know next to nothing about? you don't even know the persons surname but yet you feel strongly in your heart that you're in love. What manner of love is that? i agree that its possible but at least lets believe that between two people who feel the same way but not one person trying to convince the other about this unseen love. What is most irking about this is the fact that most of the time the people they are proposing the love to don't even like them. I don't believe in love at first sight, i think love is too strong to be used so carelessly, i think its rather lust at first sight being misconstrued for love at first sight. In your subconsciousness you think its love but your physical yearnings definitely know its lust.
What about those annoying friends and acquaintances who always want to go through your phone under the pretext of transferring music?. They don't just go through it but they read your messages and then try to cunningly ask questions concerning them and then act like it was actually hearsay and not something they know for a fact. Who does that? you may ask but many a people actually do it. Perhaps you don't agree because you've never seen them but trust me they do all the time. Next time your friend picks up your phone just take a closer look and that's not in any way suggesting that all friends who go through your phone have ulterior motives but one bad nut..............
Now the people who borrow and never return the items they borrow definitely deserve to be whipped. When they want something they come sweetly and contritely and after wards you practically have to chase them to have the borrowed items returned. I don't know how anyone can forget that something they using isn't theirs and then after the chase, on a different occasion when they ask for another item they sincerely expect you to actually give it to them. Is it them being too shallow minded or do they just think everyone else relates to their ways? Makes me shake my head in disbelief. 

Not lastly but just for now, the people who piss me off the most and the most ill mannered are these people. When someone is introducing a new person to them they cut the person short saying " I know her or him already" and then you go like where do you know me? and then he or she says " I've been seeing her around". Come of it, what do you mean by seeing her around? is that the basis for claiming to know someone? The people don't know you from Adam and when people are being introduced to you, just shut up and cooperate. Even if you dream about them each night just go through the rigmarole and after wards you can probably say I think I've seen you here or there, and honestly that is not even vaguely important. It wont make the person like you more but I can be certain of liking you less.
Being book smart is not enough people, lets pay attention to all other social cues and please lets learn some manners, first impressions they say are the most lasting.

Retrospectively futuristic

     It seems like just yesterday when i was walking to school with my Jansport branded backpack and my slingback sandals. Hurrying to be in time for the morning assembly and to avoid punishment. Entering senior high school for the first time remains a fresh memory. I can smell the strange new environs and taste the many tears i shed for days spent without family and months of endless torment by unruly senior students.

I recall never ending lessons and the joy in making good friends and also the bad ones that sting like bees. Surprisingly today I find myself in 2011 on its second day and I can only look around in awe. I gaze about me in bewilderment that i actually made it this far. The years are running by at a very fast rate and sometimes I wonder where we are when its moving. As i made new year resolutions I was careful cuz i didn't want to end up breaking them. Whats the use of a resolution if you cannot stick to it?

Year in and year out i thank God for bringing me to a new year, for life abundant and i pray with great aspirations for the new year. Its an unspoken ritual. This year as the clock struck 12 in church I thanked God first of all that i was in no place but his house and  I knew this years prayer was no meaningless ritual. I knew the year was going to be a rich one in which everything I touch will have meaning and in which I can fully discover my being.

At the end of this year i know God will have prevailed in all spheres of my life because he didn't bring me this far without reason. I look forward to greatness without measure. Standing on the 2011 threshold i look in perspective at many years ahead and to inner peace. I look forward to this particular year with immense happiness and gratitude. Ultimately am ecstatic about a closer walk with the Lord. I am indeed blessed and highly favored.